Crowded elevator always smell different to midget.
Dumb man climb tree to get cherry, wise man spread limbs.
Don't drink and park - accidents cause people.
State of pregnancy exist when woman takes seriously something poked in fun.
He who buries a man's wife alive, should not expect to sit at that man's dinner table without the subject coming up.
He who plays with self, pulls boner.
Baseball all wrong -- man with four balls cannot walk.
House without toilet is uncanny.
Man trapped in brothel get jerked around.
Man's wife his better half, his mistress his better whole.
Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
Man have more hair on chest than woman, but on whole woman have more.
Man who cut self while shaving, lose face.
Man who eats photo of father, soon spitting-image of father.
Man who lay woman on ground gets piece on earth.
Man who plays with self pulls boner.
Man who take sleeping pill and laxative on the same night will wake up in deep sh*t.
Man who pushes piano down mineshaft get tone of A flat miner.
Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters in his own hands.
Wise man never play leapfrog with unicorn.
Man who suck woman's tit make clean breast of things.
Man who walk in middle of road get run over by bus.
Wife not part of furniture, until screwed on bed.
Woman laid in tomb may soon become mummy.
Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
Man who jizz in cash register come into money.
Man with tight trousers is pressing his luck.
Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding bag.
Man who crosses the ocean twice without washing is a dirty double crosser.
Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.
Man trapped in pantry have ass in jam.
Don't sweat the petty stuff ... and don't pet the sweaty stuff.
Woman who wear jockstrap have make believe ballroom.
Woman who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
Man who scratches ass should not bite fingernails.
Man who tell one too many light bulb jokes soon burn out.
Woman who puts detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
A story in text
The following text exchange between my dear friend, Zander, and I took place today.
Me: Just got a wrong number TEXT asking "do u wanna hookup?" I replied u have wrong number but gl on ur hookup.
Zander:You should have said 'send me a pic of your penis and I will think about it'
Me:Rofl. Damn. Didn't think of that!
Me: Omg. He just asked me how old I am. I said prob old enuf to b his mom. He asked again. I said 38 he said he's 27 wanna hookup? I said no thnx but gl. WTFG???
Zander: Are you 38 or 83? The gods are telling u to dust off the bat cave and get laid!
Me: Giggle. The bats swooping out might give him a heart attack. Then I'd hafta call 911. Then the medics would see my bat cave. Then they would pass out.
Me: Then I'd get arrested for serial death by hoohoo, would be on all the trashy tv shows, my family would be horrified, the court would be cheering, the cats would be homeless. All cause I wanted to get a little. So no. I think I'll pass on that for now.
Zander: Death by hoo hoo: the serial killer and her bat cave on the next Oprah.
Me: Rofl. Exactly! And Tyra would say that HER hoohoo is more killer than mine.
Me: Giggle..is what u & I r having a "textversation"? And did I just invent that word?
And people tell me I'M the crazy one?
Me: Just got a wrong number TEXT asking "do u wanna hookup?" I replied u have wrong number but gl on ur hookup.
Zander:You should have said 'send me a pic of your penis and I will think about it'
Me:Rofl. Damn. Didn't think of that!
Me: Omg. He just asked me how old I am. I said prob old enuf to b his mom. He asked again. I said 38 he said he's 27 wanna hookup? I said no thnx but gl. WTFG???
Zander: Are you 38 or 83? The gods are telling u to dust off the bat cave and get laid!
Me: Giggle. The bats swooping out might give him a heart attack. Then I'd hafta call 911. Then the medics would see my bat cave. Then they would pass out.
Me: Then I'd get arrested for serial death by hoohoo, would be on all the trashy tv shows, my family would be horrified, the court would be cheering, the cats would be homeless. All cause I wanted to get a little. So no. I think I'll pass on that for now.
Zander: Death by hoo hoo: the serial killer and her bat cave on the next Oprah.
Me: Rofl. Exactly! And Tyra would say that HER hoohoo is more killer than mine.
Me: Giggle..is what u & I r having a "textversation"? And did I just invent that word?
And people tell me I'M the crazy one?
Friday, October 30, 2009
Costume Idea
I ran this idea by my friend, Joey, but he didn't like it.
What was this amazing costume, you ask?
Simple...make a "wet spot" around the crotch area of your pants, and paint a giant "shiner" on one eye..and, POOF!
(wait for it!)
You're a black eyed pee!
What was this amazing costume, you ask?
Simple...make a "wet spot" around the crotch area of your pants, and paint a giant "shiner" on one eye..and, POOF!
(wait for it!)
You're a black eyed pee!
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Inside Mickey's head
I now know how mice feel when confronted by my pack o'cats.
Heeding the silent alarm that rings when the bottom of their food bowl is sighted, all four of my cats made their way to my bedroom this morning.
It's not unusual (to be loved by anyone..ba da da da dum...) to find one or two of them in my room at any given moment. But all four? Together? Never.
And not only did they obviously make some pact, agreeing to let the others in at the same time, but they surrounded me. On my bed. Almost like they were..well..hunting me. Shudder.
I tried to reason with them. "Look", I said. "I'm going to the store. Really! And it's not as if you are all starving. It's been, what, a couple hours since you last ate?"
But they were not appeased. I could feel their hungry stares contemplating the fate of that soccer team in that mountain plane crash.
"There are four of us, and only ONE of her. Yeah, she's bigger. But there are FOUR of us to feed. It only makes sense!"
It was at this point that I reminded them that if I were no longer around, they would have to survive on icky, bad tasting mice.
They let me live...
for now......
Heeding the silent alarm that rings when the bottom of their food bowl is sighted, all four of my cats made their way to my bedroom this morning.
It's not unusual (to be loved by anyone..ba da da da dum...) to find one or two of them in my room at any given moment. But all four? Together? Never.
And not only did they obviously make some pact, agreeing to let the others in at the same time, but they surrounded me. On my bed. Almost like they were..well..hunting me. Shudder.
I tried to reason with them. "Look", I said. "I'm going to the store. Really! And it's not as if you are all starving. It's been, what, a couple hours since you last ate?"
But they were not appeased. I could feel their hungry stares contemplating the fate of that soccer team in that mountain plane crash.
"There are four of us, and only ONE of her. Yeah, she's bigger. But there are FOUR of us to feed. It only makes sense!"
It was at this point that I reminded them that if I were no longer around, they would have to survive on icky, bad tasting mice.
They let me live...
for now......
Friday, October 23, 2009
Darn Jingle
Ugh. I just found myself singing the latest freecreditreport.com song as I played online and watched tv.
Whoever came up with those songs should be tied to a chair and forced to watch a continuous loop of their ads, and only their ads, until their brains drip out their ears.
I'm guessing it will take less than 24 hours.
And while I'm on the subject of those commercials, has anyone else noticed how horribly synched the ads are? All of them are just barely off..just enough to annoy the crapola out of me. Was this done on purpose?
Whoever came up with those songs should be tied to a chair and forced to watch a continuous loop of their ads, and only their ads, until their brains drip out their ears.
I'm guessing it will take less than 24 hours.
And while I'm on the subject of those commercials, has anyone else noticed how horribly synched the ads are? All of them are just barely off..just enough to annoy the crapola out of me. Was this done on purpose?
Bovine Flatulence
A facebook friend is of the opinion that "FOX 'news' has done much more damage to this planet than I thought I could imagine!"
I then compared said news channel to bovine flatulence, but I don't think he understood. It's not just cow farts.
Some people believe that cow farts contribute to global warming. So, in effect, they are ruining the environment, which will bring about the end of our world as we know it.
I think that "opinion" based news organizations like Fox News are causing just as much damage to our lives, if not more. They are influencing those who, through ignorance or just plain laziness, take such information as fact, rather than finding out all sides to the story.
Those people then influence their friends and family, who influence their friends and family and on and on. In the end, any hint of truth is lost in a bizarre telephone game-like way.
I then compared said news channel to bovine flatulence, but I don't think he understood. It's not just cow farts.
Some people believe that cow farts contribute to global warming. So, in effect, they are ruining the environment, which will bring about the end of our world as we know it.
I think that "opinion" based news organizations like Fox News are causing just as much damage to our lives, if not more. They are influencing those who, through ignorance or just plain laziness, take such information as fact, rather than finding out all sides to the story.
Those people then influence their friends and family, who influence their friends and family and on and on. In the end, any hint of truth is lost in a bizarre telephone game-like way.
Word of the day
Fbpression: Sad feeling associated with the realization that none of your face book friends "get" your latest post.
Fbpression is frequently felt by facebook worms (Those individuals who spend their entire lives on social networking sites such as facebook).
Fbpression is frequently felt by facebook worms (Those individuals who spend their entire lives on social networking sites such as facebook).
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Welcome to my world
Hello, and welcome to my world.
I thought that I would start this blog so that I can jot down all of the random flotsam that flows through my brain..nothing fancy..just whatever strikes me at the moment.
I hope you enjoy, and please feel free to stop by often.
Try the veal, we're here all week!
So, here's the thought I had earlier today. As I walked into my living room, two gray heads poked through one of the mini blinds. It was Momma Cat and PK, trying to see what I was doing. And the thought that went through my mind? I heard an oh so condescending male voice, saying, "Well. There's your problem right there. You've got yourself one of them there tabby cat infestations".
I thought that I would start this blog so that I can jot down all of the random flotsam that flows through my brain..nothing fancy..just whatever strikes me at the moment.
I hope you enjoy, and please feel free to stop by often.
Try the veal, we're here all week!
So, here's the thought I had earlier today. As I walked into my living room, two gray heads poked through one of the mini blinds. It was Momma Cat and PK, trying to see what I was doing. And the thought that went through my mind? I heard an oh so condescending male voice, saying, "Well. There's your problem right there. You've got yourself one of them there tabby cat infestations".
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)